


Trauma

by Neko_ryn



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, One Shot, Sad Ending, Short One Shot, You Have Been Warned, it will not end well, mentions of depression, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 14:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11945778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neko_ryn/pseuds/Neko_ryn
Summary: The accident had left Youngjae scarred, both his body and heart; it was like a trauma he couldn't get away from.And he hated it, all of it.Inspired by ARS' Trauma and GOT7's Flight Log Trilogy.





	Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired to write this after hearing a bunch of sad songs, more specifically ARS' Trauma, so yeah, this will be a very sad one shot, don't kill me.

_Youngjae laughed out loud, his hand uncontrollably hitting Jackson’s shoulder in the way he always did when something was really funny to him; the Chinese man complained slightly while laughing, being careful not to drop the camera as he recorder his other friends who were all laughing because of the black scribbles on Bambam’s face carefully drawn by Yugyeom. Both their manager and Jaebum turned around for a couple of seconds to look at them, flashing them a smile before turning back their attention to driving._

_Their noisy laughing ended up waking the second youngest up, he looked around extremely confused and Jinyoung pointed at his face while laughing. The dumb smile that appeared on the man who had just woken up sent everyone into a new laughing fit that had Youngjae throwing himself over his band member in a tight hug that was recorded by the camera as long with everything else._

_They were on their way to a photoshoot for their new album, and although they hadn’t slept much, going in trips to places other than the studio always had them extremely happy. They were so happy that the truck caught them by surprise; they didn’t even have time to feel fear, or anything for that matter. It was just a dense, senseless darkness._

Youngjae woke up abruptly, gasping for air, which caused his injuries to start hurting, the pain reminding him that everything was real and that there was nothing he could do to change his reality. He stayed on his bed, just lying down and trying to control his breathing so the pain would lessen enough for him to call his parents for help; since the accident he had been unable to move much, his legs were basically destroyed and one of his arms was unusable, everything hurt all the time and he was just tired.

He debated on calling his parents for help, he did need it but it made him so sad and miserable to see them struggle to take care of him, he felt like a hassle. After thinking for a few minutes he decided to try on his own, his wheelchair was placed beside his bed, although he still didn’t know how he was going to move it, but he didn’t care anyway.

With his only working hand he pushed himself into a sitting position, his legs barely responding at all when he tried to move them, so he decided to just push them with his healthy arm. He was so focused in this that forgot to pay attention to his surroundings, so his legs ended up pushing the wheelchair, which crashed against the nightstand and made the lamp fall with a loud crash. If that didn’t awake his parents then nothing would.

Except he could hear the fast footsteps in the hall and suddenly his door was flung open, his dad had an alarmed expression on his face that quickly turned into confusion when he saw his son in that strange position, and then into anger when he understood what Youngjae had been trying to do.

“You know you shouldn’t do things like that Youngjae, what if you get hurt? Are you trying to make us suffer?” His father raised his voice with each word and he could just sigh, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Dad, please… It’s today…” He whispered. His resolution to get up had left him, leaving just a feeling of emptiness that was already familiar to him. “Just, help me get off of the bed and ready to go.”

His father’s face showed he understood what was going on and decided to help him without saying anything more. He helped Youngjae onto the wheelchair and pushed him towards the bathroom, where he helped him get into and take a shower; it was always a tiring experience.

His mother was also awake now and had gone to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the family. Dressing up was probably the most difficult part, since he had to move around a lot; however they managed to get it done after half an hour and his father was finally pushing the wheelchair into the kitchen, where his mother was serving the food. The television in the living room was on and all of them could hear what the news anchor was saying.

“In other news, the trial for the man who was drunk driving a truck and caused the death of, so far, five out of the seven members of the idol group GOT7 and their manager, as well as leaving one of them in coma, continues. A month ago, the driver Lee was drunk driving in the early morning while the group headed to their schedule, the truck ran into their van and caused the almost instant death of three members as well as their manager, later that day another member died at the hospital. Last week another group member passed away; the parents of said member…”

His mother turned off the television just before he could hear the name, but he didn’t need to, he already knew who it was. They took their breakfast in an uncomfortable silence, only broken by the occasional sound of cutlery hitting the plates, but nothing else. Once they were all done, his mother picked up the dishes, glasses and everything else they had used to eat, and washed them calmly.

"Go get him on the car; I'll be out in a moment." She said, without looking at them.

Youngjae sometimes wondered if his parents were ashamed of him, after what had happened a month ago. He was the only one of the group breathing without the help of a machine, or breathing at all; because of that his family got a lot of hate messages and horrendous threats in social media and even out in public, their fans had turned against him and sometimes he felt like it was fair.

With practiced difficulty, his father got him in that car and then proceeded to store the wheelchair in the trunk; he stayed in silence, just waiting, his mother got to him first and asked him about his medicines, he replied with a soft 'yes' and continued looking through the window of the window on the other side of the van.

After the accident, he had had a terrible episode that ended up with him visiting a psychiatrist, the medicines made things easier, not necessarily better but it was easier for him if he had something to hold onto. His therapies weren't as productive, mostly because he couldn't find the strength to work in his situation, he wasn't ready to let go yet and he doubted he would ever be.

He felt sorry towards his parents, who often wondered if they would ever have a normal child again when they thought he wouldn't hear. He felt sorry but their words only made him sink deeper and therefore he didn't even try anymore. How could he be his happy self after all? When everything he did constantly reminded him of his lost family, his friends.

When he ate at the table with his parents he remembered the struggle to cook dinner at the dorms but how tasty eating in company made it; when he laid on his bed unable to sleep he felt lonely while missing the shared rooms and the short talks late at night. He missed the dance and vocal practices; he missed working on albums and arriving home late at night, feeling tired but accomplished. He felt so lonely and missed them a lot.

After a few minutes, Youngjae's father got into the car and started the engine, they were going to the hospital because he had a revision for his arm plus a recuperation therapy scheduled; he was also going to pay a visit to someone.

When they arrived to the hospital, a couple of nurses helped his father to get him off, and then they pushed him all the way to his appointments. He felt painfully useless because he wasn't even able to get his own wheelchair going, but he said nothing about it. After checking his arm the doctors said he still had some days to go, which visibly downed his move, but in his therapy there was some improvement, so he guessed it wasn't all in vain.

After his appointments, his parents decided to give him some time and a nurse took their place in getting him around. Youngjae asked her to take him to the gift shop to buy some flowers, and after getting a pretty but simple bouquet they headed to the room 116. Everyone already knew he would be paying a visit to say his goodbyes to the last member of his now gone family, they were going to disconnect him today.

The doctors had already declared him brain dead and the only thing keeping him alive was a beeping machine. Of course his family had decided to let him go, and Youngjae had asked to spend some last moments with him before he was gone for good, he deserved at least that.

The nurse left his wheelchair next to the hospital bed and left the room after putting the flowers on a vase besides the bed. Once they were left alone, he sighed and rubbed his temple, this was more difficult than he had thought.

"Hey..." Youngjae whispered, weekly. "Look, I managed to convince my parents to give me some money for flowers, aren't they pretty?" Of course, there was no answer. 

He reached out and grabbed the hand closest to him, it felt limp and cold on his own, and that made him shiver.

"Having a broken arm is really annoying you know? I can't do anything on my own." He laughed dryly; a beep from the machine answered him. "I'll get better but I wish it could be magically cured." 'I wish you would magically wake up.' was what he wanted to say. He stayed in silence for a few moments, and when he tried to breathe the air got caught in his throat, he was trying really hard not to cry.

"I miss them all, I miss you too..." He squeezes the hand softly and then let it go. "I hope you're not in pain, I hope you become happier wherever you go. If you meet the guys then you all have to wait for me, okay? Tell them I love them a lot, and that we will meet again, we're a family brought together by destiny after all, aren't we?" He finished with a shaky breath, knowing the time was close.

After a few moments in silence, the family, the doctor in charge and a couple of nurses came in. They offered him to stay but he rejected the offer, he couldn't just stay and watch how they turned off the machine that kept the last of them alive, he just couldn't, so one of the nurses helped him outside and left him next to the door, she would call his parents so they would come and pick him.

From his place beside the door he could vaguely hear the conversation between the doctor and the parents, everyone sounded tired and heartbroken, just as he felt; they had lost a son, he had lost a friend. 

Youngjae hears the machine beep for the last time before going completely silence, and he broke into an uncontrollable sobbing that he had been trying to stop before. He cried his heart out like he hadn't since the accident because he knew that he was now alone.

His brain understood what he wanted to deny, that there would be no more eating together, no more discussing about their dreams, no more pranks to the members, there would be nothing at all. They had left and it was like a ghostly, open wound, constantly bleeding and pounding and filling him with indescribable pain.

And he hated it, he hated all of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make it so you could imagine who died when and therefore would suffer more (?) Maybe I do deserve a beating lmao I'm sorry, these are ideas that come suddenly to me and I have to write them or I can't write anything else. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.
> 
> Go check me on Tumblr I'm not-majestic-bluenicorn.


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